White Lies
A white lie is saying something untrue because you think telling the truth is going to hurt the person more. Cliche lies: "You don't at all look fat in those jeans", "I think you have the voice of an angel when you sing", "My family absolutely loves you (after receiving a call from their mother who was all but strangling you through the phone about your choice in mate)". These lies can seem harmless but they are very harmful. In particular, the family part. The lie fills you with a false sense of acceptance. That person may get on the phone and call the mother, thinking all is fine, to check on her only to get an "I don't want to talk to you" tone from the conversation which can be very hurtful. The same goes with the singing lie. Say that person is full of confidence over the gushing review from their friend, mate, or whomever and they decide to sing in public in front of strangers. The reception can be worse than terrible, the responses would destroy that persons self esteem.
Pathological Lies
Pathological can be defined as being compulsive and obsessive. When someone pathologically lies it's because they don't understand the concept of what the truth is. It's actually considered a sickness, whether it's been formally diagnosed by a doctor/therapist or not. People who are pathological tend to lie for no reason and about everything. For example, the sky outside could be midnight blue with stars and they will tell you it's somewhat gray and raining. Now, logically you can poke your head out the door and debunk their statement immediately but they don't care, they said what they said and that's all there is to it. In my experience pathological liars will respond to a confrontation about their lies with "oh", "wow", or they will get extremely mad because they feel you are always checking up on them and questioning everything they say. There is no reasoning with pathological liars, they feel they have the right to spin their stories and may make you seem crazy for being mad about their lies, and trying to get them to see the light about how hurtful the lies are will only bring you misery and unhappiness.
In most circumstances it's best to remove yourself away from that person. If you choose to keep them around, do so with the understanding that you may never get a truthful statement, or an entirely truthful statement out of them ever. They may tell the partial truth to make you happy, but there will be so many weaves and roads of lies interwoven that you may not be able to distinguish the truth from their lies.
"I Just Don't Care" Lies
I just don't care. Says it all, right? These type of liars know what the truth is, they are under no circumstance confused, they just tell you whatever they want to tell you because they honestly don't care. For example, hanging out with friends. Say you have a mate who claims that they are hanging with the girls, or hanging with the boys. They are hanging out alright, but they are leaving off the fact that it's not plural, it may just be one of the opposite sex and it's an actual date. Not only are they cheaters, but they lie by omission as well because they don't care to give you the rest of the details for whatever reason they have in their head.
I honestly think this is worse because it's not like it's a white lie to save your feelings, it's cheating. It's not like it's a pathological mental illness, they know what they are saying. They just don't care about hurting your feelings, or you catching them in the lie. When caught they come off as aloof, as if to say "you found out, oh well, what's for dinner?" This is the most unhealthy of all because they make the conscious choice to spin a lie so long as it appears to work for them. This is toxic and the probability of them changing is slim to none because they just don't care to.
As you can see there are many different categories for liars, depending on what you're dealing with. I believe there are many more definitions but this is the three that I typically come across. It's not really even a question as to why they lie, it's more or less how much are you willing to deal with. Liars can come in the form of friends, lovers, family, potential lovers, managers, supervisors, even the president of the United States. When it comes to managers, supervisors and the president you can get mad however most of the time you are not in a position to quit your job and, of course, there's not much that a disgruntled person can do about the president. For him you would have to be one of a rather large group and the group doesn't matter if no one takes a stand to do something about it (in the form of drawing attention to the lies and calling for impeachment).
Friends and family is a totally different ballgame. You have the ability to place a cap on how much of their lies you are willing to accept and still have them in your life. Family, in particular, can be difficult for some to cut off. Some have the feeling that family is all they have, nothing's better than family, so they are given Cart Blanche to treat you any way they want unchecked. Friends can also be given the same reign by some. It's difficult because these are intimate relationships you have taken the time to develop so cutting those people off for their lack of integrity can become a torturous process that may very well not ever get dealt with.
How do I deal with it? I don't. At this point in my life I have no need to surround myself with people who feel the need to lie to me constantly. I have my own threshold that once it's crossed I will cut you off. Normally I will have one good blow up and then cut you off in silence, never go back to the situation. I may be cordial later on down the road and ask how you are but as far as being close again, it will never happen. I have had issues with liars before that I felt really close to. The lies, in my situation, led to a horrible ending that I don't want to go in to just yet. In this case this person will be a part of my life for the rest of my life because of the child involved but I have next to no contact with him because I know that ultimately everything I tell him will result in it being twisted against me (with some creative lies tossed in for good measure) and nothing good will come from that confrontation.
So, how should you address it? If you feel like the person is open to hearing what you have to say about the lies and how they make you feel, by all means address it. If, after you have addressed it, the same actions continue, the ball is now completely in your court. You know it's not going to change, they don't see anything wrong with the lies (obviously because even though they acknowledge they lied and may even apologize they are still lying), and you are facing constantly being hurt because you probably aren't wired to accept someone being less than truthful with you. If you stick around, do so with the understanding that nothing may change but could possibly even if the probability is very low that it will.
The kind of person I am, I tend to be very observant. I won't call you out on the discrepancies in what you are telling me, I am simply watching, listening, making mental notes and staying on my toes with that person. The down side to this is when you finally tell that one last lie, no matter how small it is, it may push me over the edge and when that happens I am going to go clean off verbally about everything that you have lied about. When I'm done speaking I am done with the person. I don't want an explanation because it's nothing but lies anyhow, right? I used to be more tolerant in my teens and early twenties. Turning thirty and now thirty-one, my ability to reason with bullshit is getting less and less.
Ultimately the choice is yours. You teach people how to treat you. If they go unchecked on their lies and you accept their lies then they will get it in their mind that it's okay. They will keep spinning lies with the knowledge that you may get upset for a moment but you will calm down, accept their half-assed apology and everything will be fine again. You don't deserve that; don't take that from anyone! Call them out and make sure they know it's not okay and if they do it again kick their ass to the curb! However, again, the choice on how you get treated is ultimately up to you and you alone have to deal with the emotional and mental fallout that you are allowing yourself to go through.
