I always hear people tell me that I should have more friends and wonder why I don't hang out. I used to have a lot of people around me that I considered friends and I really, honestly, and truly treated them as such. Then the truth came out. They were being fake and either plotting against me or speaking ill words against me behind my back. I then realized that people are phony for the most part and its best to stick to myself.
What is the purpose of having so many people around? Is it really to have people to talk to or do you not like being by yourself? If you don't like being around yourself its a good idea to ask yourself why. Too much thinking? Boring? Uncomfortable? I used to be like that that, constantly needing to be around people and when I couldn't be I would have to have the television on and watching something. Anything to keep my mind off myself and what's wrong in my life. It also helped me escape my depression at the time. I was completely depressed and as long as I was entertained in some way I didn't have to think about all that was wrong. This doesn't fix the issue though. It's a clever cover but when the cover must come off you are still left with what you didn't deal with in your life.
I used to be a woman who had a lot of electronics, gadgets, anything to keep my mind occupied when I wasn't working. It eventually consumed me. I couldn't live without that stuff. I almost became addicted in a way. How did I become unglued from materialistic needs? Losing your home and having to lose everything, not just once but three times. It was only at that point when I realized it didn't matter. I mean, who cares about a 50 inch tv and a DVD player while you're sleeping on a bench in the middle of February where its freezing outside and sleeting? That was the furthest thing from my mind. I became okay with just being in my own mind at that point. I had to think and stay on my toes during that time to be able to get through it without going insane. Perhaps those who find that these "creature comforts" are necessary in life are the same people who have never gone through anything real in life and have a lot of demons in their mind that they are running from. It's a coping mechanism.
This same revelation correlates to my need to be by myself and only let in a few people. When I went through hard times I found out who was with me and who turned their back. I thought I had all these wonderful friends but who cares about Jane, Jake, Valery and Mike when none of those people will acknowledge you in hard times. It was a rude awakening. Even after that rude awakening I still continued to try and trust others thinking it was just the friends I picked but not actually human nature to be backstabbers and cold when they are needed. I find that 96% of the people I come across aren't worth being around. This taught me to rely on myself and no one else when it comes to being happy. Placing happiness in things and people is disastrous when those things and people desert you. All you are left with is yourself and if you aren't happy with yourself or comfortable with yourself then you are in a world of trouble.
To end this madness of needing to have people and things I am going to say I don't need it. Not because I feel like I'm too good for it but because I have gone through that part of life and realized that the gadgets aren't worth the price tags and the people aren't worth your time if you aren't right with yourself. You will catch me by myself most of the time sitting in silence a lot of that time and find that I will have outdated items like tube televisions because I didn't care to upgrade to the latest and greatest mainly because I just don't care anymore about that stuff. I don't even have a cell phone anymore, that should tell you something about how I'm starting to feel about that sort of thing. Be happy with yourself, be content with yourself and the rest will fall into place.
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