We have all had friends that we thought was actually pretty decent and then they do one thing that makes you re-evaluate the entire friendship. How do you know if that friend is actually loyal and one of a kind and how do you know if that friend should be let go? I have a few ideas on this.
1. Say something bad happens to you, like a family member dies. You are upset, distraught, and need someone to talk to so you talk to your friend. If that person listens to you and never says that they're sorry for the loss or worse, they don't respond at all, that person is not really your friend. Lets expound on that a little. This is a friend that you talk to all the time and they confide everything about their family in you. There's nothing that's been off limits in their life and you had conversations with them and was even there for them when one of their family members were sick. If this same friend, in return, chooses to sit by idly knowing you're in pain this is not someone who regards you as a real friend. They only care about themselves but when it's flipped around they don't care about you.
2. They highlight your negative traits. For instance, lets say that you are usually a pretty bubbly person and you laugh and joke a lot of the time. One day you hit a funk and don't feel so bubbly and it bleeds into the next day. In spite of the fact that you are normally bubbly and the funk is out of character that friend only highlights the fact that you aren't happy for a couple of days and exacerbate it saying that you are always upset and mad. Now, you know this is incorrect and most around you know this is incorrect but they insist on harping on the couple of days you were upset while ignoring who you truly are. This kind of person is overly critical over everything you do while not looking at the fact that they have had bad days and you were there for them without judging. This is not a true friend, this is someone who will, over time, make you feel like something is wrong with you. Very toxic.
3. Inconsiderate. It's time to go out. The outing is your idea so you decide that you want to be nice and pay for your friend. So, you go out and have a wonderful time. At a later date that friend decides that they want you to go somewhere with them and they plan the entire afternoon/evening/night. This friend doesn't pay for anything (even though you've paid for them in the past) and on top of that never asks you where to eat or ask you for your input for what to do for the outing. You are pretty much on the hook for any and all costs accrued to you that allows you to keep up with that friend. Here's another example. It's their birthday and you take them out and paint the town red. You have a good evening and, again, because it's their birthday you pay. The time comes for your birthday and that same friend wants to take you out (their idea). They don't pay for anything and you pretty much feel like you are on their itinerary of what they want to do but they never ask your input on the activities or dinner, you are just assumed to be paying your own way. That's not a true blue and genuine friend. Mother manners dictates that if you are friends you should do things for each other, not a one sided situation of you doing things for them that they would never do for you in return. Another mother manners moment is if someone asks you out to celebrate your birthday it should be pre-determined that they are footing the bill. Who pays their own way on an outing that you didn't approve ahead of time and have no real say so over? It doesn't make much sense but that person is so selfish and self absorbed that they will convince you that what they're doing is sane and how things are done.
4. Movie night. The time has come to watch movies and you are excited. You ask your friend what's on the agenda for the night and they tell you the titles. Now, the titles are a part of a genre you don't really dig too much but you ride along with it anyhow because you just want to hang out with them. On the next movie night gathering you ask if it's possible for you to choose a movie to watch. That same person says no, that's something that is reserved for people that they're dating and friends don't get to choose movies on movie night. This is not an even friendship, this is someone who's only interested in doing what they want to do and they just so happen to want company and since no one else is available they contact you. On the flip coin you want to watch a movie and you invite them, only they decline because they don't want to watch what you watch but insist and assume that you will always accept their invitation. Poor manners.
These examples are just a few out of many but should give a general overview of what type of signs to start looking for. Every single example has happened to me with the same person and at this point we aren't really speaking. I am taking this time to really evaluate everything that's happened over the years and most signs indicate that I have tolerated and allowed way too much to pass by while being blind and not wanting to see what the truth is. Life is too short to allow someone to treat you with such disrespect. If this person has been like this for a long time the probability of saying anything to them and getting a decent response is very slim, unfortunately. In my case this is a male friend and anytime I want to bring up my grievances with how he treats me overall he retorts with the fact that he feels I want more than a friendship and the issues I have (those listed above and more) are not that important and that I'm overly sensitive. This is a reaction that you have to watch out for. That person is incorrect, you aren't being overly sensitive they lack empathy to understand how you feel and care enough to maybe adjust how they're acting. Don't waste too much time on friends like this, you could be cultivating a friendship with someone who truly appreciates and gives a damn about you.
